luahan terpendam

eman called smlm ngejutkn si kakak dr tdo. huhu... hampess mama mmg ske tdo!!! thanx eman, 1jam bckp n meluahkn sgl2nya. dlm ramai2 adik, mama snang luahkn sgl2nya kt eman n baya. jgn tnya nape... mama xtau. na mmg sgt2 pndai nk calm kn mama...krn na, mama boley berdiri blk lps idop dlm kegelapan, dulu. angah...ermmss... mama segan ngn angah. he's totally opposite ngn mama nye prangai lah. angah is a great guy and he nvr let me down wlp senyap n kdg2 bersikap dingin. adik? hmmm... she's super strong! mcm mak. eh, lebey strong dr mak. so, agak payah mama nk luahkn kt adik. k.far... hmmm... kdg2 mama takot nk luahkn kt k.far...sbb k.far ni sgt cepat tndkannya b4 mama smpt wat explaination.

tulisan mama mcm tulisan ayah... (bangga)

kn mama ckp mama nk g hull jmpe eman, kn. mama plan lps abis xm 17hb aritu nk cabut ke hull...but se'depressed' n giler nye otak mama, mama still boley pk. sdgkn mama pon xske org dtg time xm week, ngape mama nk wat gitu kt eman n kwn2 eman, wlp mama akn jdik maid n tukang masak dorg. huhu... sure rsa tertekan dorg wlp mama xkn kuarkn sore atau kaco dorg.

kirenye, smlm mama luahkn sgl2nya kt eman. sumthing yg mama mmg xdpt nk luah though nanging2 kt tepon bile ckp ngn mak n adik. hmmm... ngape mama ske nanging? now mama paham ngape mak kta, mak dh 'hilang' ank yg mak knal (ni mak kta msa 1 ketika dulu).

time kacih eman!!! ptg smlm laks, eman ajak mama main chess (online lah). kna tego kaw2 ngn eman...huhu... mna taknye, mama lpskn opportunity n xalert ngn sekeliling. well... mmg lain ngn mama yg dulu--aggressive, risk taker, sntiasa plan ahead. mama pham ape yg eman smpikn. hmmm... ape gune dok bca sun tzu klu gitu? the mind of the strategist? apsal mama xapply sume2 tuh? biz ngn idop? psychology gaks... strategy gaks... huhu...

percubaan sehabis baik unt cover eyebrow yg botak

mama rsa, mungkin sbb mama xhepi lah... wlp happiness itu kita yg carik, dlm dri kita sndri. the truth is, sgl2nya berubah skrg. ngape mama bnyk diam skrg dr bckp sbb I CANT TRUST ANYBODY HERE!!! (ni bkn cite psal blog/bloggers ye) sungguh pndai berlakon...dorg xubah mcm ular! ok, nk bg clear statement nih.... contoh ye:

1. situation: mama sedey.

ko tnye ngape mama sedey konon nk simpati, bg support. ye, we only have each other. then, ko g cite kt org yg ko knal, n org2 yg knal mama psal masalah mama. pastu ko cite plaks ngn kwn2 ko yg mama xknal, psal mama. motif????

klu mama nk sume 1 donia tau perasaan mama... dh lama mama cite kt si polan itu sume ngape mama sedey, ngape mama marah n xpuas hati! the fact that mama senyap sbb mama xnk sape2 tau!!!!


2. situation: konflik kengkawan.

X ade konflik ngn Z. sbb mama tmpt dorg ngadu, X dtg ke mama. mama xprnh bg solution, tp mama ske dorg ber pk, tgk 360 sekeliling, ape punca masalah, bkn siapa yg salah. ok, abis cite.

tbe2, B dtg ke mama, "do u know that..." dok cite psal konflik X ngn Z. being me, mama listen without saying anything. ok, so, X bgtau msalah dia kt B plaks... up to her as itu masalah dia.

xlama pastu, J dtg ke mama, tnye btol ke X ade prob ngn Z? bkn dorg dh knal sgt2 lama ke? mama kata ke J blk, gossip liar la nih? (mama pon nk korek gaks dr mana dia tau, coz pd mama dia xpatot tau) n J kta B bgtau. pastu siap bg komen lah... marah lah... lor, ko xprnh pedulik, ni apehal tbe2 nyibuk? concern??? am old enough lah unt beza antra concern ngn 'batu api'.


ok... korg nmpk x? i mean paham x situasi nih?

mama idop di kelilingi manusia yg mulot asal bkk n ske jga kain org lain dr kain sndrik. ngape mama xbahasa kn dorg like what i used to???? sbb M.A.L.A.S. bkn mama mengalah atau takot, tp, dorg nih sume jenis konon "am open" but xprnh nk 'listen' pd pndgn org n 'diri dia je bagos'. tros-trang mama prnh argue ngn dorg... tau ape jdik? sore dorg jdik tinggi, mata jd korg tau la org xpuas hati, kn.. pastu tros cakap ke mama xnk terima apa mama ckp. yup, u can disagree ngn ape mama ckp, tp klu dh trang2 u can't change anything n it's only within ur circle of concern, n xbrani unt naik ke atas spt yg mama cadang just bcoz xnk nama di'record'... cume bising2 kt sni, lantak ko lah labu. smpi bile2 xkn ade perubahan.

lg satu, mama xpaham apsal korg klu konflik dok "suryana 'said'..." sungguh la menggunakn mama abis2an. lantak lah. mama xpedulik klu org benci mama pon sbb dh biasa idop org sayang n org benci. this is life... kna la be realistic n practical.


pada mama, hidup ni kna toleransi, lg2 bile dh campor2 kaum, budaya, agama nih. tp jgn smpi org pijak lah. pastu... cube fahami b/g, culture, dorg nye belief..ha.. bringing up dorg pon penting, sbb seseorg tu jd gitu sbb cara dibesarkn. klu dh budaya dia dok minum, kuor tiap2 mlm, sape kita nk 'sound' atau dlm bhasa halus dorg 'nasihat'? duhhhh.....

tggl 1 ni je kt kedai tuh... rezeki mama slalu gitu ek?

ni satu kisah unt muhasabah diri. si E jmpe mama nanging kta dia di'diagnosed' kna sjnis pnyakit klamin ni lah. n dia tnya mama, "why don't u hv any reaction? are you angry?" ape ke soklan bodoh?

mama jwb senang je.... "this is the way of life that u want (pilihan ko nak.. n still idop gitu. hmmm... xserik?) though u know the consequences. do i have any right to be angry? am not ur mom. shocked? nope. happy? never. am i sad? sorry, am not. i know am mean, but think again...deeply........ instead of asking 'why' change it to 'how'".

ni kesah benar. korg ingt mama nk wat ape? belasah dia sbb xdgr kata? wlp dorg kta mama mcm mak dorg (tue btol mama dh ade ank2 beso pnjng), prnh x dorg dgr kata2 mama? mama xske ckp
"u cant go out" or
"u have to be home by..." or
"u cant do this, n that.."
ni ayat2 dorg lah. ko sape nk ngarah2 org? pastu marah2 sbb org xdgr kta ko?
pd mama, "u r big enough to think. though am nt vry pleased with it, i believe u'll be responsible for your actions"

elok la ko cite kat mama, klu ngn org lain? 1 donia tau n ko hnya malukn diri sndrik je.


ni pndgn mama lah....
if u don't have any better things to say... just keep ur mouth shut lah. n what happened btwn sape2 kt umah ke, kt skool ke... let it remains there lah. they called me childish tp mama rsa dorg lg childish sbb muke bertalam2 pastu xbrani tanggung ape yg dh dbuat n sntiasa mncarik org lain unt dipersalahkn. fair?