epilogue by Grace Nichols:

"I have crossed an ocean
I have lost my tongue
from the root of my old one
a new one has sprung"


Staying Alive, real poems for unreal times(2002)

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Sister’s fight

Lama x update... sila lah ke sini:
Sister's Fight


Sunday, April 13, 2014

betul ke?

dunno whether this thing works...

mama suke ngetes untuk check whether this thing menipu atau x. and how far it'll go....
well...no payment needed..no harm trying kan. baik2 kalau korang nak ngetes mende2 ni...

sesapa nak keje online...sila lah click...
atau http://invite4job.com/?id=51996

Sunday, May 19, 2013

enough: demotivated

sekarang ni panas sangat cuaca kan. ramai yang flu fever bagai...x baik2 lagi. oh well, i am part of those jugak lah. infact mama nya tekak bleed (again) & x baik2 since last week. i had fever on and off and it hits 39º bila malam. bertempek dah obat mama telan. ujian.....

ini mama type dari hp. macam pelek pon ada. susah kot... maafkan mama on typo ye...

it's been 2 years mama ngan co. baru. dan selama 2 tahun ni juga mama dok sakit on-off spital. people said feng-shui opis ni x sesuai ngan mama, which mama sebenarnya setuju, oley? **hahaaa** it's true...mama sakit je kok. and my boss siap sound lagi...katanya mama ni sikit2 sakit. nape opis lama dulu sihat walafiat je? oh well, mama tiada jawapan bagi soklan yang mama rasa 'pelek'?

i have had enough. kesian badan ni. i need to move on. i wanna settledown. **hiks..** tapi x de calon **ngeee** 

makayah semakin berumur. apa guna mama hanya dapat bagi duit n kebendaan bagai tapix spend quality time n bersama2 mereka. i am always the last to know on any new things hapened in the family. baik immediate famly mahupon my big extended family. i failed to be the daughter for my parents n as a sister to my siblings. i was not even there for my brother's n sister's wedding preparation. deep down inside mama sangat hurt. nape x amik coti? ko ingat boss mama bagi? hmmmphh.. x lepas..... apparently, the same thing hapened theother day whe  i had my appointment (hospital). i was asked to change my appointment date which dah buat 2x sampai doctor tegur "is work so important tha  your health?" n i have to come to work the day of my appointment n i was off bila yang diperlukan dapat green light. seriously, just a few words to be amended that my colleague po  boleh buat tapi nak jugak mama yang datang buat. i don't i'm gonna let myself being bulied cmni lagi. enougb is enough.

duhh....mama x suke cite pasal opis kan. tapi dah cerita. nasib la. and i don't wanna edit nor amend mana2 part. nasib la. kot cite ni keluar n sampai kat pihak2 berkenaan. 

people, please, have a heart. be kind to your staff. be kind to others. kita hidup ji x lama. amd jangan dok doubt orang saja bila diri sendiri pon bukan betol sangat pon. to me, beingil is not an excuse untuk mama x dtang keje. mama datang kan...mama keje tanpa pwduli orang. mama silap sebab mama dah ketwpikan family kerana keje. mama buman orang yang suke2 amik mc n my annual leave diambil unt my hosppital appointment.

tolong jaga kebajikan staff. 

cukup luahan harini. money is not everything when u're ill. mama x hadappon duit bonus bagai. cukup mama sihat. dah. i wanna contribute to my family yang sentiasa surt mama..who loves me tenderly and unconditionally.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

it's hurt


conversation & statement buat mama super sentap hari ini...

"what happened to that XXXXX guy? did you get rid of him already? for real?"

me: what?! who? which guy? **blurrrrrr** oh, please...your 'get rid of him' is too harsh. i dont think i am THAT mean **sentap**

"yes, you are. can't you consider, accept a new friend? think about business"

me: huh? then marriage? duhhhh....

"see...i know he's done. stop hurting people. you're not that good either"

me: please stop it. i don't hurt him if you're that worried. i know i'm not that good. do you know that i had restrained myself for a week plus just to please all of you? instead, i am the one who's hurt. deeply hurt. can i just throw out my temper now that i remember?


~i considered myself LUCKY when it comes to lucky draw **hahahahhahahahaaaaaa...i love KHJ**, food?, life..... but i'm not that lucky when it comes to man and love. sucks... uuurrrrghhhh... at this age, i couldnt be bothered. cant you guys just leave me alone? i just dont wanna get hurt. i don wanna live this kind of life anymore...being hurt, getting hurt... again and again...and again..........

Saturday, November 3, 2012

i've changed my mind....

it's been a hard decision for me to update this blog, again. sebab, bila baca balik, jauh sudah tersasar dari tujuan sebenar. lepas tu pulak, nak update 1 blog je kekdahnya...tapi ni nape la balik ke sini semula.....

let me update myself first. 1 tahun 6 bulan sudah mama bekerja dengan company baru. totally different from the previous company i've had worked for, dari segi environment, people, benefits and such. to put it simple, sama je macam masa mama dulu kuar dari 'Sekolah Budak2 Pandai' ke sekolah biasa. bezanya, masa sekolah biasa, food is heaven!!!!! superb!!! dan semua orang tahu, mama lebih happy, lebih ceria bila ke sekolah biasa. more freedom, i'd say. x pernah terlintas 'regret' kerana ke sekolah biasa...mama belajar jadi manusia normal, hidup normal, survival kena tinggi. aaahhhh... i missed my school days kat sekolah biasa!
berbalik pada sekarang, when i stated that the "food is heaven" then, meaning...makanan tidak memuaskan kat opis baru. ahahahhahahahahaaaa.....ohhhh yes, my life is all about food! let's put aside the 'food' dissatisfaction for a while. at this organization, mama punya job scope pon totally different from the previous company; it's more up to the higher level of management punya kerja and reporting. seriously higher level. maksudnya, seriously stressful when the figures membuatkan kita sendiri pon sakit jantung. ahahahhahahahaaaaa.... kalau dulu, cuma nampak paling banyak pon 1 million, sekarang ni billions. mula2 dulu juling gaks la mata, kan...banyak benau nombor eh...ahahahahhahahahahhaaaaa.... 
pape pon, here, i can find myself breathing, peacefully. 

rumah: Baya masak untuk her lovely sister (●♡∀♡))ヾ☆*。

let's talk about 'food'. can you guys imagine, seorang yang suka makan, tiba2 x boleh makan? it's depressing, huh? food is a need.
i've been in and out of the hospital for the past 1 year...to be exact, right after last year's Eid (raya puasa). satu nikmat hidup telah ditarik Allah. i'm not saying that i can't eat at all, but...i can no longer enjoy food like how i used to. as for last year itself, i have to force myself untuk telan plain porridge for more than 2 months. i get stomach upset so easily...makan nasi perut sakit sangat!!! you guys know how much i love nasi, kan? alaaa...nama pon perut jawa, mesti cari nasik!

there were polyps in my stomach and usus, and...gastik mama sudah jadi ulcer.

well, it's normal nowadays to have this kind of sickness/illness. it's nothing serious, really...it's just that i've become thinner due to masalah makan (uwaaaaaa.....at times, saya lapar tapi bila makan, perut sakit). 
kebanyakan staff kat opis dok ingat mama stress kerja...sampai kurus. tapi, x kan mama nak cakap "saya sakit" duhhh..... i hate to be looked and treated as weak and an incapable.

rumah: makan (ノ^▽^)ノ

cut the story short, polyps sudah removed. sudah 2 kali. kali ke-2 buang, polyps nya lebih banyak dan ada juga yang tumbuh di hempedu. oh well, it seems like selepas kali peertama buang, mama jaga (pantang) makan, benda alah tu tumbuh dengan jayanya (lebih banyak) dan happynya. so, i have decided, x yah la pantang...belasah je makan...afterall, the thing will keep growing, it will come out no matter what. boleh? (the truth is x pantang pon bukan boleh makan sangat pon...stomach upset kekdahnya)
anddddd.....ada menda lain juga telah di'discover' masa scan haritu, before polyps dibuang kali ke-2. i have yet to take any action on the new discovery.

owh well...since the 1st time sakit and buang bagai, sesungguhnya mama rasa duit banyak pon x de makna!!!

Aglio Olio @ Delicious

the other day, i found 'enchek' nya hp no#. very funny coz mama dah buang no# nya ok masa tukar hp baru (ye, i keep on changing hp sebab nak makan dah x boleh, so i try to satisfy myself, to keep myself happy -- tapi x hepi pon).

cukup la updatenya setakat ni ye. nak type banyak lagi tapi nanti jadi cam essay la pulak (eheh...macam x biasa la pulak, kan?)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

my other blog

guys, i don't think i can afford to maintain 2 blogs at a time. mari jemput ke...blog lagi satu ye. tq very much!!! ^^


those who read the other blog doesn't know the existence of this blog....the uncensored, melancholy 'me'. so, enjoy reading ya! you're at privilege!