hope you're happy reading this

juz realised that once a blacksheep, u can never change that fact...nomatter how much you tried.

i've come to the fact that am no longer needed. ppl love to see the 'sad' me. the more trouble i had/faced, the happier they'd be.

i can trust no one. now that it hits my head, i was brought up not to trust ppl; not what i comeup within myself. the best part is, i've become the most cruel and selfish person ever in my big extended family. plus the way i've been treated, and seeing 'things' before my eyes, grown such a hatred feeling towards the others. yes, i can forgive but i'll never forget! whenit's being repeated, how could i juz ignore it?!

i don share things/how i felt with my mom nor my family...till she realised that i've been keeping too many things to myself that it comes to self-destruct.

i only talked to my dog, cokolat and my precious angels and my late grandma whose been protecting me all this while. i do have probs to talk to ppl as a human being. now that i've lost all of them...i try to be more open, accepting.

the trust that i've put on juz crash into pieces.


the best moment that i've ever had that i feel so secure was when i was with my cokolat and my precious angels and the day i cried my lungs out while being hugs by my gals. i can juz be myself when i was with them. i don have to put up face to hide my feelings.

thank you God for giving me the chance to feel secured and free for atleast once. if it's not too much, could i request to have it again one more time? before it's toolate...